A “tribe” is a group of friends who “get” you, which is tough even under normal circumstances. But being able to find a tribe gets even harder after you have kids. Whether you are new to the area, shy, or just plain too tired to look, here are few ideas for how to find your Mama Tribe.

Seven months ago we sold our home and moved to a completely new town. While we love our little house on 8 acres, we are also very isolated from the rest of the area.

Combine that with being new and being an extreme introvert and that means that making new mom friends has been tough for me! Finding a tribe that I connect with on a deeper level has been even harder.

But it’s worth it right? To find a group of woman your heart and soul can rely on to be there in the hardest moments? Those who can see you at your worst and love you through it all… I say yes!

Maybe you’re in the same boat. You don’t want to be alone with the kid(s) all day {as much as we absolutely adore our own kids, we need adult interaction}, but finding a group of women who understand you, your life, and your needs has been difficult.

How to Find Your Tribe of Mamas: Step One

As I said, the fact that I’m a HUGE introvert has made it hard to find friends later in life, but here are a few ways I have been successful finding my tribe!

This is a two step process, the first being, finding people! If you don’t connect with other moms in general, you’re never going to connect on a deeper level.

Here are a few places to start looking…

Facebook

It may seem odd to think that you can make real friends with Facebook, but you actually can!

Here’s what you do:

Go to Facebook and search “Moms of (your town name)“. For example: “Moms of Houston”.

You’ll get a lot of results if you live in a bigger town, so just sift through them and see which ones you want to join!

In my area I got “geeky moms of…” and “crunchy moms of…” and more! Join whichever ones you like and then get involved in the conversations that take place within that group!

This is an amazing way to figure out who you click with in your area before meeting up in person.

The Children’s Museum

Most towns have a children’s museum, or a learning through play center. Find one in your area and start spending time there.

My son adores our local museum, and since we bought a membership, we are there most days. This is another great way to meet moms in a relaxed play-date environment.

You will be able to get to know the other “regulars” to the museum and see who “gets” you.

It’s been amazing to me the honest conversations of had at the children’s museum with other moms while our kids just ran around and played.

I’m not going to lie, I met a woman there a few weeks ago, and we started bonding over having kids who don’t sleep. There were tears right there in the middle of the museum!

Needless to say, she’s definitely in my tribe now 🙂

Church

This one is a little harder for me. I tend to be very shy at church… Most of the time people in Sunday School groups have known each other for quite a while and it’s difficult for me to feel comfortable breaking into those type of situations.

However, it is still a great place to meet other moms.

Invite a family from your class to lunch after church a few times a month and see how you click. Then you can move on from there getting to know each other.

This one is definitely my least favorite way to meet other moms, because I find as an introvert it’s the hardest! The other ways are much easier, even for me… however, this is a great way to meet other people who share your value set!

MOPS

So, I had always heard of “MOPS” and knew that it stood for Mothers of Preschoolers… but that’s all I knew. A few weeks ago I finally looked it up, and wow! I wish I had done so earlier!

MOPS is a faith based organization were moms ranging from those who are newly pregnant to those with 5 year olds get together and craft, talk, and just generally chill in a space space.

Pretty cool if you ask me!

And to top it all off, there’s childcare so you can just relax and be with other woman who know what you’re going through. WIN!

There is a small fee to join in most groups, but it pays for all your crafts and activities, and childcare!! So find the group nearest to you and start bonding!

How to Find Your Tribe of Mamas: Step 2

Once you find other moms that you can get to know better, you need to start looking for people that you connect with on a deeper level.

And I’m not just talking about things like, “Oh, I love that movie too!” though it’s a start.

I’m talking about finding a tribe. That set of woman who are in it for the long haul. That you can text at 2am to ask mommy advice about what’s going on with your child. That you can invite to your home in it’s real, natural, we live here state and you know you will not be judged!

Those women are more than acquaintances. They are more than friends. They are your mama tribe sisters.

So once you have some new friends, here’s how you start finding that deeper connection.

Listen

Please, for the love of Pete, DON’T just talk about yourself and your child for the entire conversation. Not that you should be silent, that won’t do any good… but don’t monopolize the conversation.

Let them get some time in too, and when they are talking don’t just think about how you’re going to respond. Listen to what they are saying.

And when they are done or there is an appropriate pause, respond in the moment. This is how an honest conversation goes and how real tribe sisters are found.

Ask Questions

This goes along really well with “Listen”. Ask real questions of the people you meet, not just surface level questions.

While the surface level questions have a place, they aren’t going to help you find those people who you really click with.

So be sure to respond with questions instead of always responding with a story about how you went through the same thing they are going through. While that’s good, you don’t want it to be your go-to response!

Act

This is the hardest one for me. But, you have to act on your new friendships by going out and doing things… and sometimes that means you have go a little bit outside of your comfort zone!

So invite new friends to the park. Have a coffee date, or *gasp* invite them over for a play-date!

Be Patient

And lastly, just be patient.

Finding your tribe can be exhausting… This process doesn’t happen overnight. It’s rare that you form a deep, lifelong friendship in an instant. Much less three or four of those relationships!

So just keep at it, remembering that this is a lifetime relationship you’re looking for. Not just a play-date for next Thursday.

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Now that you have a few more places to look, and the steps to take once you have found other moms, go out and find your tribe. Your heart, soul, sanity, and family will thank you for finding a group of woman that will be there for you through thick and thin.

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